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« March 2000 | Main | May 2000 »

April 23, 2000
special god day

I have been a complete slug this weekend. I didn't even go to church on Easter Sunday. I remember how when I was young I used to get pissed off at the people who only went to church on Easter and Christmas, thinking, "Like they think this makes up for it," but now I have become one of those people. I can understand the rationale now, but discovering that I think the way I do is somewhat repulsive to me. It's not that I think going to church on Easter and Christmas makes up for all that other not going to church time, but that Easter and Christmas are too special God days and should be respected as such. But then, every Sunday should be a special God day. Every day should be, I guess.

I know that being good isn't about going to church. God knows it, too. But I think he still wants me to visit his house and say hi sometimes. I can say hi outside of his house, because God is everywhere, but he's got that house. Oh, I am just like a little kid about religion. This is what catholic school can do to you.

And of course, I always fear that if I don't go to church, bad things will happen. My parents fly back from England tomorrow. I have an interview for a job I really want on Tuesday. And I drive home on Friday and back again on Sunday. And my car isn't even alive right now. So many things could go wrong, and I want God to like me so they don't.

Yes, I know that that's extremely immature rationale, but it's still hard for me not to think things like that. And now I wish my diary were private so no one would know that I think paranoid God things.

Greg is sick today, so I've spent most of the day with him, tending and watching things on TV. Now I'm going to do laundry, so that I will have accomplished something in the past two days.

File under DIARYLAND. Posted at 05:42 PM

April 19, 2000
panic in Pittsburgh

Wow, an actual update. Some news:

- Had an interview Monday. It went well. I would have been doing PR, some web stuff, some magazine content stuff, some administrative stuff, for an architectural society. I liked the people and the environment, and the people (I don't know about the environment) seemed to like me. Then I started getting scared that I'd get the job and would end up stuck in Pittsburgh for two years. So I wrote them last night and thanked them but told them I'd decided to pursue another opportunity.

Yes, I am a dorkist.

- Decided to revise "plan." Get part time job + part time internship. Leave Pittsburgh in August a more experienced woman.

I'm thinking, actually, of getting an internship at In Pgh, Steve's current place of employment/interning. It would give me some needed news experience, hopefully.

Also, I just called a place about being an assistant editor for an IT web site. The woman I spoke with sounded pretty cool - I told her I wrote for a Chickclick sister site, and she said she'd stolen a background from them (Chickclick) once. We kind of had a phone interview. It seemed to go okay, but I should have tried harder to convince her of my meticulous attention to detail. That's what she wanted to hear. Grr, I hate how afterwards I think of all the stuff I should have said. But she said she'd pass my info on to a guy, and I'm hoping he calls me to set up a person to person interview. I had originally spoken with this guy in the beginning, and he said that after I spoke with the woman, she would "give him her general impressions of me" and see if we'd continue from there. I hope the general impression went something like, "Let's continue with Beth and hire her for this cool part time web writing job that she would be able to take the bus to, because her car is still unfortunately out of service."

- Am kind of sick. Sore throat, headache. Blah.

- School is going okay. I don't know, it's not bad. It's annoying, actually, but ultimately, if I stick with it, I think I'll emerge very well-prepared.

That's all. I hope everything is going well with you. Well?

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

April 14, 2000
private relations

I have an interview Monday. I'd be doing PR. I used to always say I would never do PR work. Alas, it has come to this. But I might not get the job, anyway. They said they were "very interested" in talking to me. It's because of all my computer experience. I'm just glad I got an interview.

I haven't been updating my site as much lately. I don't know why. I guess because I don't want the journal to become too redundant. If I had been updating daily, every day would talk about how I don't have a job, how no one wants me, and how life isn't fair. Saying it once is certainly enough.

So I've been a little down lately. It's especially frustrating to see how many people have hit my resume at, when none of them has contacted me. Boo hoo. Enough whining.

I'm going to buy a suit this weekend, and get a hair cut, and dye my hair. I'll go into my PR interview and be professional and pretend that PR is something I really want to do. Hey, maybe it is and I just don't know it yet.

File under DIARYLAND. Posted at 01:11 PM

April 07, 2000
waiting for that Petty song about losers to come true

Steve says it's a competition, all of us graduates or soon-to-be graduates vying for what we perceive as success. He has an interview Monday at an ad firm.

I have an interview Monday, too - for a data entry position. The same-day interviews at the S/B residence just make it that much more convenient to compare my career opportunities to my roommate's. You can, obviously, see how things are stacking up.

It's my fault, I guess. Maybe if I had stayed in school another semester (I graduated early), I would have interned somewhere more potentially beneficial. I don't know. Hopefully the competition is a good thing; hopefully it will make me work harder to get what I want. I've been slacking too much lately, sending out resumes and then sitting back and waiting for calls that don't come.

Then there's Aab, whose phone rings off the hook because he's got some web development know-how. He's getting $40,000/yr offers.

I'm happy for everyone, though, really. Well, part of me is happy. Part of me is jealous. The biggest part, though, doesn't care about what other people are doing. It just wants me to score a job I like.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

April 06, 2000

One of last night's dreams:

Tony the Tiger was with a bunch of other good stuffed animals, and on the other side of a hallway, there were bad stuffed animals. It was like West Side Story or something. Tony puffed himself up like a very disproportionate balloon (his head was very tiny), ran into all the animals standing against the wall and smushed them dead. Their blood was a pinky/light purple milky color. When he smushed them, the angle on my view was sideways. The blood ran up the wall. It was very graphic.

I'm downloading Flash to Greg's computer right now so I can use it for its ability to make soft edges on things. Photoshop 4.0 LE doesn't let me make a box with curved edges. I really should buy 5.5. Then I can put ImageReady on my resume, too.

Still jobless, for anyone who reads my diary occasionally. The weird thing is, I'm not looking forward to getting a job. I kind of like not working. I do do things. Maybe someday, eventually, I'll be a real live freelancer. I'm trying to be a freelancer right now, but it isn't working.

File under DIARYLAND. Posted at 10:02 AM

April 04, 2000
not really a nominee

Read yesterday's entry if you haven't already. Then come back.

In my inbox last night:

To: beth
Subject: An apology from
Date: Mon, 03 Apr 2000 16:53:01 -0800 (PDT)

Dear Guru, On behalf of the Events team here at, I'd like to apologize for the recent message we sent you regarding the Guru Awards. We had intended to encourage you to nominate yourself for our Guru Rookie of the Year prize, but instead we mistakenly notified you that you had been nominated. We're very sorry to have cluttered your inbox with erroneous mail.

That said, we hope you'll visit us online to learn more about the Guru Awards. Our honors for Guru Rookie of the Year will go to the guru whose business went through the roof within a year of takeoff. Because you indicate in your profile that you're relatively new to the guru biz, we thought you might consider nominating yourself. If you win, you'll get a fun-filled trip to San Francisco for the event, not to mention the unbridled adoration of all your guru peers.

... Again, I sincerely apologize for our recent email marketing snafu.


Casey Seidenberg
Director, Promotions & Events

Oh well, I was flattered for a few days, anyway.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

April 03, 2000

Someone nominated me for this Guru Award. Rookie of the Year, in case you don't feel like hitting that site. is a site where freelancers can search for and apply for positions. I found out about through them. Briefme is a site where "experts" review web sites in their chosen area. I was accepted as an editor, and so now I review sites in the Teen Scene category. They don't give you sites to review; you have to find them yourself. But each review pays five bucks. This is the first time I've ever been paid to write. Hopefully it won't be the last.

Back to, the Briefme people are the only ones who could possibly have nominated me, because I've never applied anywhere else. However, they have my other e-mail address, so it's all a little mysterious.

Anyway, if I win (ha ha), I will fly to San Fransisco and schmooze with people. Actually, I don't know what they do with you if you win, I just know the San Fran part.

I won't win. If you visit that first link, you'll see what they're looking for.

But it's cool to be nominated for something.

In other news, I have been trying to come up with a new design for my daddy's web site, but it's just not happening. I need inspiration! Grr. I want this site to be good, because it's the only active URL I have.

Well, aside from dorkist.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

April 02, 2000
I don't really like my calendar

I bought my calendar for a dollar at Walden Books. They had inherited all the unsold calendars from the calendar store that closed down. There were a bunch of calendars that I wanted to buy, and they were all a dollar, but I bought the one with old travel ads on it. I thought it looked cool. But now I wish I had bought something else. The colors aren't bright enough. It's just not a very appealing calendar.

But it's just a calendar.

I start art classes tomorrow. Orientation was yesterday, and it was very time-wastey. I won't bore you with the details, but the classes I'm enrolled in are Copyright Law, Image Manipulation and Audio Production. One of these takes place Saturday afternoons. Blech. And as of now, I'm most looking forward to Copyright Law, because Image Manipulation is all about Photoshop, and Audio Production is all about SoundEdit 16. I learned both of these programs in my Digital class last year. Maybe these courses will cover more in-depth issues, but it's kind of frustrating to be treading these waters again.

I was really hoping for a computer drawing class or something like that.

Well, anyway, so begins a new sub-era in my life. The post-graduate, jobless, class-taking portion.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM