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« August 2000 | Main | December 2000 »

November 28, 2000
[i've been a busy worker...]

I've been a busy worker of late. Most recent product: Not going to link right now - I don't want the clients to know more about me than they want to.

Time really does pass by too quickly. The struggle is in finding the balance between work and relationships and elusive hobbies like writing that should be more at the forefront of my time. Creative work is fulfilling because it results in something actual. (Duh.) But the fruits of such labor are visible, so when I start thinking existential thoughts about how we live our meaningless lives for awhile and then disappear, etc., I can comfort myself by thinking, "But I created some things, and they might have influenced some people." Even if all those folks' lives are equally meaningless, it still makes me feel somewhat worthwhile, since we're all in this together.

But the things I created are kind of lame. At least some people have liked some of the things I've written. Yay. Still, there is much unrealized potential within.

Someone searched MSN's search engine for "The way out of inner turmoil is though a kind ear," and my site came up first. Weird. I must have 'inner turmoil' as a title on a page somewhere. I hope whoever was searching found their kind ear.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

November 15, 2000
[i saw frank lloyd wright's...]

I saw Frank Lloyd Wright's Beth Shalom Synagogue today on the way to a client meeting. It's quite a structure. Very '50s spaceship. And I was completely unprepared to see something that I'd only seen in books and slides. I'd been gazing lazily out the car window when, bam, crazy church was there. It's not a church, but you know. It seems entirely out of place with its surroundings - a crowded suburban block in a not-terribly-affluent neighborhood. But where would it fit in? It'd make a good B Sci-Fi setpiece.

I was telling Greg that I've been itching to make a movie lately. He said, "So you've been feeling like being mean?" I am impossible when making a movie, because I hate actually doing it. I hate dealing with lights, dealing with camera issues, dealing with actors and crew who just want to get drunk or party somewhere or sleep. I hate the perpetual worry within that I loaded the film wrong and that the whole day will have been wasted. And I hate trying to make a movie when I don't know what the movie should be about.

Really, I don't try to be mean. I just can't keep my stress at bay. But there's an underlying excitement to filmmaking. The first time I saw my own film projected on a big screen was magical. It's different with video, because video is so immediate. Film is hard work, and it looks better than video, and it has an extremely rich and diverse history, as cliched as that sounds. Not that there aren't video artists whose work is breathtaking.

I have yet to make a decent movie.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

November 13, 2000
[today, i learned that...]

Today, I learned that my two seconds of idiocy in the parking lot at work will cost $858. At least.

My skin has broken out. Why? I guess I should change my pillowcases. But I only have one set of sheets! This is something to add to Mr. Christmas List. I will print full unreasonably greedy Christmas List in upcoming future.

Now, some questions:

Why is my cable bill $15 higher than usual? I didn't use more cable. Indeed, it was out of service for two weeks.

Why does garlic stay with you for so long? And what about onions? Does the smell of onions on your mouth from lunch dissipate by dinner? Does it carry over to the next day? How can you tell your breath's status?

When will I do what writers are supposed to do and live a crazy life so as to write it all down later? Experience first, then write - that's the way. Ah, but the opposite is my strength, to write of the intricacies of the mundane. Or that's something I would like to have as my strength. Seemingly boring lives can be very very interesting. But you already know this.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

November 10, 2000
[currently on hold...]

Currently on hold with cable internet service people. Got a new modem two nights ago after the last one stopped serving me; last night, the new one stopped working. Argh. The phone recording lady says they appreciate my patience. It's nice to be appreciated.

It's also hard to type with a phone sandwiched between your neck & ear. If I were a reporter, I would get a headset.

La la la la. Tonight, I'm going to visit Greg in Reading as per the yoozh (that's an attempt at a phonetic abbreviation of "usual"). I'm feeling kind of sick, still. I thought I was all better when I woke up this morning, but now I'm not so sure.

Well, this isn't a fluffy entry. But aren't they all, these days? Believe me, my mind isn't quite as empty as it might seem. But I don't feel free to share inner turmoil here.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

November 07, 2000
[i am home sick...]

I am home sick today. I have chills. I had a meeting with a client for this afternoon and wrote them an email to try to reschedule it, but I haven't heard back from them. It's 11 am, the meeting is/was at 1 pm. I don't know how to proceed.

I want to go out and get stuff to drink, but I don't feel like leaving my apartment. I also have to deal with the hit car in parking lot situation (see below). It's already been sort of dealt with, but it has to be re-dealt with. I'm dreading this. Last week was bad, and this week isn't turning out much better. But this week will end, eventually.

Things aren't so so bad. They just feel like it. It must be because it's getting dark so early. Darkness decends nightly on our lives. Yes. But too early these days.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

November 02, 2000
[current & recent bad things...]

Current & recent bad things:

- Internet stopped working
- found out Victoria's Secret Card was "bad" because they'd had the wrong address (fixed now)
- Transmission in Volvo is dying
- Hit a car in the parking lot at work. This just happened today.
- Got film from pics taken of work people stuck in the camera. Opened the back up, probably exposing everything.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

November 01, 2000
[well, my internet connection...]

Well, my internet connection is being stupey, so I can't upload everything. But some time soon, I will.

I've been busy lately, though when I think of what with I sort of blank out. Helping Greg move into his beautiful apartment in the charming little town of Reading, PA. Working. Going to class. Helping people with general stuff. I am the family editor, so anything my mom or dad writes goes to me before it goes anywhere important. At least it doesn't take as long to edit as it does to write.

Really, life has been completely without drama for a long time now. My only conflicts are what to do with myself next. I want to become more active, more involved, but I'm not sure what kinds of opportunities are out there.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 PM