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June 26, 2001
[today is my one year anniversary...]
Today is my one year anniversary with
my job. Let's review some surface differences in my life between
now and then:
just moved back from Pgh. Lived at home for $0/month.
Needed out. Looked at many apts with tan rugs and no character.
alone in a moderately quaint old apartment for $too much/month.
Yearn for hardwood floors and increased hominess.
a beat yet stylin' Volvo.
a sporty new Focus, reliable (so far) yet lacking personal
flavor. No one gives me the hang loose sign when I drive
much about graphic or web design. Was very eager. The
whole having a web design job thing was surreal. I felt
very lucky and a little dazed by everything.
know enough, but am way more knowy. The whole having a
web design job thing is nice. Life is predominantly laid
back. I have to remind myself that I'm lucky.
to gain weight from not walking to work/busstop/school,
sitting instead on ass all day.
to lose weight, with some success. Weigh much more than
then. Can barely squeeze into once-large Jordache jeans.
been working on a new
site design that would last for about two weeks. Probably
the last thing I designed to look best in Netscape.
might be time for a new design again. Maybe in a few months.
money. I remember trying to rationalize spending money
on new clothes for the job. I didn't have the cash then,
but I would soon.
but have many bills. Eat in restaurants too often. (Did
So, I guess what can be derived from
this is that I am overly concerned with money and appearance.
But I have grown in the past year. Perhaps
not as much as I should have. I don't know. The thing that
HASN'T changed is that I am still confused about where my
life is going. It isn't following the path I thought it would,
which is somewhat unsettling. But where did this perceived
path come from? Which idealistic incarnation of myself created
In any case, I guess things don't feel
completely right. Something's lacking. Still, that's nothing
unusual. Everyone always wants something, or else we would
have no impetus to get up in the morning.
June 19, 2001
[this entry is going...]
This entry is going to be boring, because I'm just going to talk about this here web site the whole time. Sorry. I feel lame. Oh well.
I made a money journal so that I can keep track of my expenses. We'll see how long this lasts. I wanted to make it a web thing so that it would be fun and I would keep up with it. I liked making the little (or I mean, huge) header graphic for it because I got to use BERNARD, a font given to me kindly by Emily, who also makes use of it on this site. Nice sloppy cursive, mmm.
Speaking of fonts (and I know you're glad I am), I have found at last where to purchase Base. (Thank you, Catherine!) I have this font (in Regular version only) on my machine at work and have always loved its clean funkiness. I need more of Base.
The searches page has not been updated in awhile, because I got annoyed with Dreamhost for changing my stats report configuration when they switched me to a new plan. I can no longer provide links to the pages that the searches initially led to. I can see only which terms brought users to some undefined page on the site. Blah. But many search phrases have been funny lately, and I will be updating that page again in new-style fashion soon.
June 14, 2001
[i have been waking...]
I have been waking up early the past couple of days. I have a (probably misguided) theory that the longer I stay awake, the more likely I am to lose weight, because I will burn more calories. The problem is that I don't do anything when I'm awake. Just sit.
Sometimes my body wants to run, but this usually happens at inconvenient moments, so I run from a restaurant parking lot to my car, or jog up the stairs of my apartment building. It never wants to run (or walk quickly) when I have time to let it. When I have time, I make excuses.
When I bought my brand new car, the final order of business was to pose in front of the car. The car salesman instructed Greg to stand next to me, and we smiled and squinted at the cheap camera. It would be a calendar, the man said, and I'd be getting it in the mail in a couple of weeks.
The calendar arrived yesterday - the sloppy (I can hear the Ford men calling it "friendly" and "homey," and I suppose that's true, too) photo at the top, tear-off months on the bottom. The car, of course, is the best looking subject. I look somewhat deformed due to a strange slice of sunlight hitting the side of my face. My undershirt hangs beneath my real shirt, and, unsurprisingly, I'm chubbier than desired. Greg looks pretty good, but he doesn't think so. Greg is photogenic because he has full lips. Some people think he looks like Kevin Costner. I think that's funny.
June 11, 2001
Ergh. Today is going to be bill paying day. Paying bills isn't as fun since I bought my brand new car. I feel the need to add an entry, to tell you about my new car, which I have owned for about 2 weeks, but I also feel drained. I want to write an ode to the Volvo. I miss you, little fella. I have ideas, but it's warm in here, too warm to do anything about them.
Instead, I will do dishes and pretend I live an exciting life in the city.
The new car is a manual transmission, aka a 5-speed, stickshift. It's black. I was afraid, the night before I went to buy the new car, that I wouldn't be able to drive it, and would be crashing into people, rolling slowly into their front bumpers, when I had to stop and start again on hills of any size. But it's much easier than I thought it would be, and it makes driving more challenging.
Times like these, I need a challenge. Work is nice, when it's busy, but often it is too easy. I don't have to be a great graphic designer to succeed at my job; I only need to be a decent one, and that's what I am. I'm okay. None of my customers have the budget for "great." Perhaps if they did, things would be more exciting. The office programmers all refer to me as the person who "makes it look pretty." "When we're done with it, we give it to Beth so she can make it look pretty," they say. Not only am I inherently superficial, but my external role in society is also such. Makes sense, I guess.
But back to the car, having a CD player is supercool. So is having a working washer fluid dispenser, power locks and windows, and the serenity of a smooth, reliable ride. Too bad my life just got about $500 more expensive to live each month.
June 01, 2001
[i think that this...]
I think that this record player is what I need to
spice up my life. Please take note of the blurry happiness
of those who are enjoying this record player. I have
a record player right now, but it is not nearly as
charming as this one. I barely use mine anymore, and
I think that that's because it does not reside in
a tidy wooden box.
Rather than tell you what's been going on, or ruminating
about the consequences of such happenings, I will
share an exchange I had with a stranger.
Tuesday, May 29, 2001 at 22:52
Message: What a strange place you have here. Just bored
and thought I'd look up my name to see if I've become
famous. Always liked the name Beth, If I had a daughter
that would be her name. Thanks for giving me something
to kill time with. Are you dead? last diary was 3-01?
I don't get the cigarette thing either.
Wednesday, May 30, 2001 at 06:59
So have you become famous? I'm not dead - were you
just reading the diaryland diary? The first page of
the main site is dated 5.17.01.
The cigarette thing is a reference to a show from the
1980s called Police Squad, starring Leslie Nielsen.
I am not a big Leslie Nielsen fan or anything, I was
just being silly with that.
I'm glad you were able to kill some time at my site.
Have a fun day!
Thursday, June 1, 2001 at 00:27
Not too many remember "Police Squad" I loved it. Still
don't remember the cig thing though. Leslie came into
the last place I was working, it was kind of funny.
The place has fixtures for high end custom homes and
woodworking tools, for some reason he just hung out
in the warehouse and talked to the guys on the dock???
The other Sullivan
- How can a Police Squad fan not remember the cigarette
joke? They used it in almost every episode. I don't
think anyone has caught that one yet, though. If you
did get it, let me know and I will send you a prize.
I have debated losing the cigarette question on the
form, but without that, #2 (below) would not have
been made possible.
- I now know Leslie Nielsen likes to hang out in the
warehouse of some kind of ritzy Home Depot.
- It's kind of odd that "the other Sullivan"
(and there IS only one other Sullivan, you know) has
encountered Leslie Nielsen.
- If you send me mail, you will most likely get a
cheesy yet friendly response. And possibly a prize.