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September 24, 2004
inhaling and exhaling
About an hour ago, I suddenly became hyper-aware of the process of breathing and started to freak out, thinking that I wouldn't be able to deliver oxygen to my body unless I concentrated very hard. It's not the first time this has happened to me, but it's the first time it's happened in awhile.
First I tried to divert my attention on my own, but it wasn't working. I called Andy to make him talk to me so that I would be forced to think about other things. I'm feeling better now, and am tired enough, I think, to be able to fall asleep.
I don't think I would have gotten so weird about it if the same thing hadn't happened to me this morning. What causes this kind of physical/mental hiccup (maybe "hiccup" is not the best way to describe it)? Anxiety? I'm honestly not very anxious these days. Maybe the energy that went into being anxious about things decided to divert itself... whatever, it's 1:30 now and I don't think I can keep my eyes open much longer, but I could if I had to, in order to like, breathe.
September 12, 2004
This morning I bought donuts and the New York Times and made coffee, planning to stretch the morning out as long as it would go. I read a few articles, but the relaxing Sunday I'd envisioned didn't really pan out, partly because it was almost noon, partly because I didn't feel well-rested, and partly because I wanted there to be people around to enjoy the lolling about with me. But Andy was at rehearsal and Steve went off to watch a Steelers game. Katie was here for a bit, and we giggled at some ring tones she'd just discovered on her new phone. But after she left, I got restless, gathered up my laundry, and headed out to do it.
The May/Sullivan household has the most basic of basic cable. For some reason, stations like Spike and HGTV are included in our package. I almost never watch television, but today I flipped on HGTV and have half-watched about three hours' worth of home makeover shows. I can understand why people like makeover shows; they always pay off. But they're all too long. I doubt many people actually absorb all the "new ideas" that designers talk about during the boring part that leads up to the "reveal."
Anyway, in the time I should have spent fashioning a new web site for my mom's eighth grade class, I folded laundry and made a photo diary of how I spent yesterday.
Soon, I'll be off to fetch my nervous brother at Penn Station. I'm excited about his arrival, but I could use a nap.
September 08, 2004
adventures in wonderlands
Maine was good, and there isn't too much more to say about it. We fulfilled the minimum hiking requirement, we read a couple of books to each other, we watched almost all of the torturous Republican National Convention speeches, we played mini-golf, we successfully completed a jigsaw puzzle, and we ate fish.
If I have time, I'll put together a more detailed photo journal, because I know that what I just described makes you want to see pictures of all that adventure!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My brother is moving up to New York some time in the next week. He's going to sleep in my living room until he finds a place with a roommate. He's so nervous and overwhelmed that he isn't even allowing for the possibility that he might actually enjoy living in New York City. I think, for the record, that he will. I, at least, will certainly enjoy his presence.
Chris's move coincides with my first week of working from home full time, so I can function as advisor as he peruses craigslist for his housing and job needs. How did these things work before the internet? Real-life bulletin boards, I guess. And personal connections.
Anyway, I'm hoping to be able to see New York through his eyes for a little while, because the city lost its awe-inspiring quality for me too quickly. There's always an element of fantasy involved when new places and new people are only partially known, and my imagination fills in the blanks with details that trump reality. It'll be hard to go back to feeling like I'm living in an exciting, expansive movie, but I'll see what I can do.