Last night I felt ill. I wanted to fall asleep early, so I decided to self-medicate with some wonderful wine called Bainbridge Rosé. I think it's from Nissley (who seem to be having web site troubles). I started my binge around 7:30, watching an episode of Fashion Emergency in which a woman meets her birth mother. The woman, her birth mother, and the birth mother's two other daughters all got makeovers. Neither the woman nor her birth mother expected each other to look the way they did. I sensed mild disappointment. Between gulps of wine, I cut foam core into panels and covered the panels in fabric, the results of which I will soon velcro to my kitchen wall.

I didn't even drink the whole bottle. Nonetheless, by 10 PM, I was feeling more out of it than ever before. A sense of fuzzy disparateness with the rest of matter soon turned into being plain, all-out dizzy and agitated.

Around 11:30, I called Greg, because I figured he's had experience with this sort of thing. He told me I wouldn't puke, because it had been so long since I'd stopped drinking and hadn't puked yet. I asked him when I would stop getting dizzy when I closed my eyes, and he said to close them anyway so I could sleep the dizziness off. That wasn't an option, I said. But then I stopped talking, and my eyes did close, and a few minutes later I remembered I was on the phone and said, "Greggy?" to see if he was still there. He was. Then it happened again, and then I decided to bid him adieu and try to sleep.

At 5:30 AM, I felt relaxed and stable enough to relinquish my tie to wakefulness. Someday soon, I plan to get a good night's sleep. I really need one. When I'm tired, I lie on the couch and succumb to television, and there is so much stuff not getting done in favor of this sluggish behavior.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

I have been very productive today because I am avoiding painting. We are supposed to paint a landscape scene, and I just seem incapable of this.

Things I have accomplished today:

• Deposited checks, including one check that was addressed to my cousin Mary (a grandparent blooper) and one check that was dated 6/1/01. According to a banker relative, checks are valid for 6 months if not otherwise noted. I hope this is the case.
  
  
• Bathed my car at the "Brushless Automatic." The woman in front of me put money in but did not select what type of wash she wanted. I didn't realize this at first, but then when her wash didn't start, I did realize it and made the selection for her. I did not feel that powerful, because there was only one type of wash available for the amount of money she put in. But then she was even more confused (because the little sign that tells you what to do changed) and people were honking, and I was waving my hand out the window to say, "Back up." Then an attendant arrived and told her to back up. She had simply gone too far.
  
  So, anyway, the Brushless Automatic sucks and my car looks worse than it did before it got washed, because it has streaks as well as large weird clean circles where the water hit the car particularly hard and was actually effective.
  
  
• Found a recipe to make for dinner tomorrow.
  
  
• Bought a new black printer cartridge. It cost $32. I thought I was getting a deal when the printer (which isn't bad) only cost $29.99. Ha. And I don't even print stuff out that often. I sense a conspiracy.
  
  
• Used my mom's $15 gift certificate from Express. The shirt I bought is questionable and doesn't fit as well as it seemed to in the dressing room, but whatever. Their gift certificate thing is only a ploy to make customers feel like they are getting something for less than what it's worth, and thus are somehow "winning," when in reality they wouldn't have bought anything if not for that damned gift certificate. This ploy is successful on me.
  
  
• Bought groceries. The main objective was to buy the stuff for tomorrow's dinner. I estimated the items would cost $48, and they cost $49.52. I'm pretty good at that.
  
  
• Created my Christmas Wish List List.Complete with Creepy Winking Santa. Yes, I am greedy. I am hoping that this list will result in me not having to return lots of clothes. Mom knows I want clothes for Christmas, but she never knows which clothes I would want, so she just buys random clothes, hopes I will like them, and gives me the receipts so I can take them back.
  
  There is little more depressing to me than going to the mall on December 26. I always feel sick from getting so much stuff I don't deserve, and the prospect of buying more stuff makes me feel even worse. Plus, I feel bad that everyone in the mall is working, and the mall's own atmosphere is stale and spent. The feeling I get from shopping on December 26 is most accurately described as doomed, even though there's no tangible motivation for that emotion.
  
  Actually, I guess there sort of is a reason to feel doomed. Christmas is the climax of a big ritual of preparation, and after the day is over, there's nothing to look forward to except spring, which is almost four months away.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 AM

At right: just a taste of the entertainment you'll enjoy once I finish the Denmark journal!

Does anyone want to be my roommate? Do I want a roommate?

I saw one of my friends naked last night. It was not an accident. She posed for my painting class, because the instructor's trusty model was not so trusty, and he could not find anyone else.

It is not so weird to see your friend naked, or at least, it wasn't for me. The setting was such that she became a thing to paint, rather than a person exposed. Maybe that's admitting objectification, but when you're trying to figure out how to go about capturing something in front of you realistically on a canvas, you sort of have to break it (or him or her) down into lines and spots of color. Only the good painters have to worry about capturing personality, too. I'm not there yet.

But all this isn't to say that it would have been superweird to see my friend naked if it was not in an artistic context. It's just not something I am accustomed to.

File under DAILY. Posted at 12:00 PM